It's that day of the year, which
comes 4 days before my birthday and 5 days before the husband's. It's
that day of the year when roses are overpriced, violets can't be found,
and restaurants are overbooked and way too crowded. It's that day of the
year when people are wishing their hunnies happy "loveday"
(is this a new thing this year?!) on facebook even though they are
seeing them everyday, going to sleep with them, and waking up beside
them (assuming you haven't fallen out of bed in the morning).
Like
most people relational wisdom has come to me late. I didn't know what
was good for me in my 20s, and it took a long, drawn out, horrible
relationship where I was cheated on and mistreated to bring me to my
senses. Oh yeah, I received roses (or maybe it was lilies) on one (maybe
a few?) Valentine's Days and a run of the mill proposal on another. But I
would definitely fit the bill for any other emotionally abused woman on
most of the other days of the year.
Thankfully, things
didn't work out and I met a guy soon after, who said to me (upon hearing
my miserable story) "you can't tell someone you love them, without
saying, 'I' first". And, I might block out many other things my husband says to
me, but that little morsel of wisdom is not something I will easily
forget.
Today is Valentine's Day, and I have no roses (we
think flowers are a waste of money - especially today), no restaurant
reservations (we are waaaaay too lazy to book in advance). I had a long
day at school, gave my students a test (on Valentine's Day I later
realized), picked up some takeout from an awesome Malaysian restaurant
(Penang in Chinatown) and came home to mark said test papers. The
husband isn't home yet but will probably be soon. The takeout will be a nice little treat because all we have been eating
for the last week or so is hot chicken soup (I've been battling a
horrible viral infection and sore throat). My sore throat is back today,
but if I have to eat another cup of hot soup I'll most definitely bawl.
When the husband comes home,
we will heat up the takeout, snuggle up on our couch/bed and finish
watching the third episode of Sherlock (we both dozed off last night),
maybe catch a few episodes of Breaking Bad (we are mid season 2 now), and go to sleep.
Boring? No, comfortable. Lacking Love?
Absolutely not! I get to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and
my husband supports me. If it wasn't for him, I would never be in a PhD
program now. I know that, if I'm too tired to cook, he will either cook
something hot and steamy, or he will have a cup of coffee with some
cookies and go to bed with no complaints. I know, that if I don't feel
like doing the laundry (it's my most hated chore forever in spite of all
the gadgets we in the west have) he'll scrounge around in his closet to
find that last clean shirt and pair of socks. I know, that on my
birthday he will come home from a long day at the lab and make me hot
steaming luchis in the kitchen because it's my favourite birthday food. I
know that if I wanted to go away for a month to Toornto, I can do that without
worrying about my husband and his meals, the dishes, the laundry, and
grocery shopping. I know that when diaper duty grosses me out (because
it absolutely will) he's going to be able to take that on (blech.
gross)
It's not that I love him because of all these things. I love him because he loves me enough to understand what
makes me happy.
Some men who are
doing extra special things for their wives/girl friends today do take on
all the things I talked about above. But, I know that many don't.
Valentines day perpetrates the idea that roses can wipe away the wounds
from a few thorns - but really, they don't. Roses and shiny
jewelry is not what happiness is made of. My friends who are the happiest are those who have similar relationships - ones that are based on trust, honesty, mutual respect and of course, love.
Now, back to grading papers!
